On October 7, Palestinian footballer Mahmoud Wadi was recovering from an injury in Egypt when Israel launched its war on Gaza, following Hamas attacks on southern Israel.
The 29-year-old, from Khan Younis in southern Gaza, has spent the past five months desperately searching for news of the safety of his friends and family in the besieged enclave as he traveled with the Palestinian national team.
He lived through three Israeli military attacks on Gaza – in 2008, 2012 and 2014 – and says he remembers spending every night wondering if he would make it to dawn.
Wadi, who now lives in Cairo and plays for Arab Contractors in the Egyptian Premier League, was part of the Palestinian squad for the 2023 AFC Asian Cup in Qatar, where the team recorded a historic second round finish.
Al-Fidayi (as the Palestinian team is called by its fans) received passionate support from crowds of people from different countries, religions and age groups, who came in tens of thousands to support the Palestinian team before his turn. -16 elimination by Qatar, host and future champion.
In a conversation with Tel Aviv Tribune, Wadi talks about his struggles to achieve his best performance on the pitch while war rages at home.
Tel Aviv Tribune: Growing up in Gaza, what did football mean to you?
Wadi: Football is the only way to escape war and Israeli occupation. Young people and children turn to football because it allows them to distract themselves from circumstances. Football does them good. In Gaza, we love football. But the wars waged against us over the years, the harsh economic conditions and the siege that completely closed Gaza and its people, preventing children from realizing their (football) dreams.
The Israeli occupation still creates barriers and obstacles that prevent us from achieving this and, unfortunately, people are leaving Palestine. We are forced to look for options elsewhere.
Tel Aviv Tribune: Why did you leave Gaza and how difficult was that decision?
Wadi: Leaving your country, your homeland, your family and your friends for a better future is not easy. This brings a constant feeling of alienation and loneliness. But we make sacrifices for our ambitions. We are people who love life, people who want to live like others and follow their dreams. The difficulty is that you leave behind the people you love.
Today, I live abroad and my family is in Gaza, exposed to massacres, destruction and displacement. I left Gaza, my family and my friends to play football, but I live in fear and anxiety.
We are not leaving Palestine because it is not a beautiful country. We love our land madly, but we must seek a better life.
Tel Aviv Tribune: What are the difficulties faced as an international footballer for Palestine?
Wadi: Given the Israeli occupation and its obstacles, it is not easy to be a footballer. This has a huge impact as it is not possible to gather players for football camps in Palestine.
Players from Gaza cannot enter the occupied West Bank, and vice versa. There are players outside Palestine who cannot enter, and so on. Despite the difficult circumstances, the Palestinian national team meets abroad from various locations. We have players from the occupied West Bank, Gaza Strip, Palestine 48, various Palestinian refugee camps in the occupied territories and the diaspora.
No team in the world can go through such conditions and participate in a prestigious regional championship (like we did). This in itself is considered a great Palestinian achievement and a source of pride.
We have always had dreams and ambitions, but the occupation is trying to destroy our spirit. We have risen from the rubble of three wars to where we are today, and we hope to continue on this path. We draw our strength from the courage and determination of our people.
Tel Aviv Tribune: Is it difficult for you to communicate with friends and family at home?
Wadi: It is very difficult, especially when communications are cut in Gaza. I have never left my phone since the war started. Whether in Egypt, during a trip with the team, or during our training sessions.
One morning, my brother disappeared. No one in my family knew anything because of a communication breakdown. I felt very anxious during those 10 hours until I heard from him.
This is our situation: a constant feeling of anxiety and unimaginable conditions. It’s indescribable not knowing where your loved ones are, feeling helpless and unable to do anything. All you can do is pray. Every second of our life is a test.
Tel Aviv Tribune: How do you feel after speaking to your family and friends in Gaza?
Wadi: They try to describe a small part of the reality they experience every day but it is very difficult for them to convey their feelings. Words cannot describe the reality of war. Our conversations focus on the difficult and bitter conditions they face. But like everyone in Gaza, they remain courageous.
Tel Aviv Tribune: How was meeting your family after two months?
Wadi: I met my mother, brothers and their families in Egypt after more than 80 days of war. I had an image in my mind of the ugliness of war, but when I looked at their weak faces, their eyes, their fragile bodies and their white hair, it was far worse than anything I could imagine.
I have lived through three wars. It was scary spending nights waiting for the bombs to fall and the roof to crush me – but this war is not the same.
Tel Aviv Tribune: What is the last memory of Gaza in your mind?
Wadi: I remember the people, their affection and their bonds of love. He feels good.
My last memory of Gaza was the sea, the streets, the buildings and the electricity schedule – on for eight hours and off for the next eight hours.
Despite everything, Gaza grew every day. Clean streets, beautiful facilities, restaurants, cottages by the sea, this is the image of Gaza etched in my memory.
It deserved to be preserved for its gentleness and beauty. Despite war, death and destruction, it is still beautiful and will be even more beautiful.
Just as we built it before, we will build it a second time, a third time and so on.
Tel Aviv Tribune: If you could return to Gaza now, what would you do?
Wadi: I want to return to Gaza after the end of the war and offer my condolences to the family of my best friend Hamed, who was martyred in this war. I want to see my brothers and their children, my friends, and I want to see Gaza and what happened to it after all this destruction.
I want to share with people some of their grief and memories of the war. I want to be part of their suffering.
Tel Aviv Tribune: How did you feel when you saw the horrific video of the destruction of Yarmouk Stadium by Israeli forces?
Wadi: Yarmouk Stadium is not the only facility destroyed. There are thousands of mosques, churches, offices, hospitals, universities and schools. Not even a tree or a stone was spared.
I scored many goals at the Yarmouk stadium to the applause of hundreds of supporters. The image of the tank going around the stadium remains fresh in my memory. There are no words to describe its ugliness. But as horrific as these scenes are, they are not as horrific as the deaths of children and the images of them being blown to pieces that we see every day.
I can’t forget them for a single moment. They live in me.
Tel Aviv Tribune: When you step onto the football field, can you take your mind off the war in Gaza?
Wadi: The war affects my family, my friends and my people.
My cousin was martyred. My best friend was martyred. My childhood memories were destroyed. The occupation has destroyed all lives in Gaza.
Even if someone survives this war, they will not be able to live a normal life. There are no job opportunities, no education, no offices or markets in Gaza. They killed all life there. We cannot forget suffering, but it can motivate us.
The ferocity is seen in the (Palestinian) team on the field. This reflects the character of the Palestinian people. As players, we motivate ourselves to make people happy, even if it’s just for a moment.
We draw our strength from the suffering and steadfastness of our people.
The interview has been edited for length and clarity.